Dyslexia: My daughter's superpower
Although she couldn’t verbally identify the names of all the colors, my daughter Valentina before the age of three could pick her clothes, bows and shoes to match to perfection. Rarely did I ever have to make her change her outfit, nor did she clash fashionably like so many children her age do when allowed to pick their own clothes.
Valentina can plan an entire family vacation with over thirty people to celebrate her 12 th birthday. Creating a power point presentation with a line-item budget and agenda, leaving little room for error, she can anticipate every detail without losing sight of the big picture.
She is a straight A student (sometimes B's) and was recently nominated into the JR National Honor’s Society. Most people would never guess that Valentina has a learning disability.
In 2020 a few months into the pandemic, we received the diagnosis that Valentina had dyslexia. Dyslexia is a learning disorder that involves difficulty reading due to problems identifying speech sounds and learning how they relate to letters and decoding words. Also called a reading disability, dyslexia is a result of individual differences in areas of the brain that process language.
I wasn’t totally shocked when we received the diagnosis because for years, I noticed she would invert her B’s and D’s and slowly she began falling behind the rest of the class in reading levels. During our parent teacher conferences, I often questioned if we should get Valentina tested asking teachers to be forthcoming with us and not hold back. Having had a brother who was diagnosed ADHD, I didn’t want to wait to get her the help she needed, if she needed it.
For several years before her diagnosis, she received the help and support from wonderful teachers who tried to bring her reading up to her class level. They often expressed doubt that she might even have a learning disability. She showed little to no struggle in most aspects of life causing teachers to tell us, “just give it a little more time, these things may go away or kids can out grow them.”
Right before we were declared on lockdown due to the pandemic, we met one last time with the teachers who finally expressed that we should get Valentina tested. I could tell the teacher thought this was going to be a difficult conversation. She had told me before to wait. This time she took a deep breath and almost apologetically and with her sigh she signaled “we’ve tried everything” and told me, “I think it’s time to get her tested.” With a specific diagnosis the teachers who had been working with Valentina could better understand and help her progress in school. With a different diagnosis we could identify the tools and techniques used to help people with dsylexia thrive. I am not one to wait or lose much time in denial. I was determined to get started the next day. We did and a few weeks later it was confirmed.
What I wondered was how she had gone so long undetected. Teachers told me she overcompensated with all her other strengths to mask where she was struggling. As an Alpha mom, immediately I began researching everything I could about dyslexia. I have often turned to books and research to help me in my career and so I followed suit when it came to becoming a new mom and now with the possibility (and later confirmation) of Valentina having a developmental disability. I wanted to understand at the deepest levels.
Every book I read from parent’s points of view seemed to come from a place a shame. The parent struggling to accept that there was something wrong with their child. The narrative always included overcoming some stigma. I genuinely could not relate. I have to think that having experienced my brother’s ADHD diagnosis and seeing what an enormously determined and successfully adult he turned out to be may have prepared me to process this in a very different manner. What would happen next would only prove to me that this was not a disability but a unique and special superpower.
Several days after we received the test results Valentina was lying in bed with me. I was wearing a pajama with a tassle and I noticed she kept feeling the tassle with one hand and then the next. I asked her what she was doing? When she turned to me and said “mommy, sometimes when I forget which is my left and my right hand, I pick something up and I can just feel, which one it is.” I was floored, this child who had hidden her disability, confused her teachers, had overcompensated to be mainstream by using her incredible superpowers of using other senses or other areas of her brain to problem solve. It almost felt like MAGIC!
I was curious to know more, I wished I could see thru her eyes for a moment not from a place of shame or pity but from incredible intrigue and admiration about this superpower my daughter has. I unapologetically believe that dyslexia is her gift. The moment she gave this a name I even began to see her own self confidence and grades go up.
Although autism is a much different disability, I remembered the movie “Temple Grandin” based on the true story of an autistic savant, who thanks to her unique ability to think differently has designed some of the most-used handling equipment in the cattle industry. A documentary about her life calls her the " woman who thinks like a cow" and her ability to relate to the animal mind made her a pioneer in her industry.
I have had the distinct privilege of being surrounded by individuals like my daughter and my brother. There is no disability in these individuals but rather a unique, super ability that we must make room for at the table in order to truly innovate. Temple Grandin in a Ted talk herself states “the world needs all types of minds.” There is a term I love for innovation and it’s called vuja de. It’s the opposite of deja vu. Deja vu being the more known term is when you see something for the first time feeling that you have having seen it or lived it before. Vuja de is the exact opposite where you see something you have viewed many times before and see something new in it you that have never seen before.
These minds are often the one’s who can identify with their unique point of view or manner of processing information a new undetected opportunity. The potential for innovation is huge. Perhaps some of our world’s greatest problems remain unsolved because the individuals with ability to see a new solution in an old problem are relegated to stigma or a place of disadvantage.
In 2022 when Richard Branson partnered with LinkedIn to add dyslexic thinking into a special skill, I thought now here is someone who gets it. Richard Bronson, who is dyslexic himself, is most known as the CEO of Virgin Airlines. He is also a British billionaire, entrepreneur, commercial astronaut and business magnate and controls more than 400 companies in various fields and is working to redefine dyslexia.
Here are some statistics that if you are or anyone you know is struggling to define dyslexia.
- 25% of CEO’s have dyslexia
- 40% of self-made millionaires have dyslexia
- 35% of entrepreneurs have dyslexia
Pablo Picasso, Albert Einstein and George Washington, first president of the United States all had dyslexia and went on to achieve great things.
Here are just a few of the many strengths of individuals with dyslexia:
1. Strong memory for stories: Some individuals with dyslexia recall facts as if reading a good storybook rather than just as a list of random data.
2. Excellent puzzle solving skills: Dyslexics might struggle in the reading department, but when it comes to solving puzzles, many are pros. Rather than being a sequential thinker going from one idea to the next, many dyslexics thrive in environment that allow and foster simultaneous thinking in which ideas are connected via different routes than a straight line. This is why we see so many entrepreneurs with dyslexia.
3. Brilliant spatial reasoning: The scientists at the University of East London found that young dyslexics are excellent at remembering a virtual environment when compared to non-dyslexics. In this regard, many dyslexics succeed in fields like engineering, industrial and graphic design, architecture, as well as construction.
4. Great conversationalists: Reading words might not be their strength, but many dyslexics are quite profound in reading people when interacting with them. They will tell you exactly what the problem is and how you can go about solving it.
5. Tremendous empathizers: Many dyslexics are also quite sincere when it comes to their personality. The experiences as a result of the reading and writing challenges can cause them to feel more empathic toward others who may struggle.
6. Wonderfully imaginative: Dyslexics can really envision a fantastic view of the world. They make great use of their imaginations, hence all the artists, actors, and authors with dyslexia. They have a keen sense of curiosity and interest.
7. Abstract thinkers: Just when you thought all hope might have been lost, it turns out that dyslexic people can comprehend abstract ideas. They are good philosophers. They understand things that are not tangible, many of which are innate human qualities, such as bravery, love, and deception.
8. Think outside of the box: It’s nice to stick to standards, but if you really wish to go far, you have to think originally, as evidenced by today’s entrepreneurs. One of the more advantageous qualities in many dyslexic people is their ability to think outside of the box. They come up with excellent, unorthodox ideas that are not only fresh, but lucrative as well.
9. Astutely analyze stories told or read to them: Instead of reading, dyslexics can still get ahead by analyzing the stories that are being told or read to them out loud. Although they may have their friends, family, or text-to-speech technology doing the reading for them, because of their strong spoken language comprehension abilities, they understand the plot and the story. Many can keep track of all the characters and plot twists and turns better than some non-dyslexics.
When we received Valentina’s diagnosis, we hid nothing from her; she was 10 years old so she could process this. We wanted to create very little mystery or stigma around the diagnosis. We let her hear what the specialists told us, we even offered if she wanted to ask her questions now or in the future about her diagnosis she could.
She still asked me, “mommy is there something wrong with me?” I didn’t hesitate in my answer because I believe it with every fiber of my body that this is true. I told her “what you have is a superpower; I wish I could think like you. Just like I have to wear glasses to see, you have to wear another type of glasses to understand the words on the page. We are going to figure what works for you out together.” I also told her honestly, you will probably have to work harder than most people but with, without or in spite of this, your determination will make you succeed. I also stated to her that she HAS dyslexia not that she IS dyslexic. I didn’t want her to define herself by a diagnosis that the world still stigmatizes. My position is and will continue to be that we need to redefine, destigmatize, and celebrate these abilities.
More than 20% (40 million) of the US Population have dyslexia. Unfortunately, 25% of children with dyslexia drop out of school.
These are the visionaries, the nonconformists, the resilient who are still trying to survive a system that is learning to appreciate the uniqueness of each individual. Keep these unique thinkers close, foster in them the ability to identify their talents so they can convert them in to strengths and change the world. Give them a seat at your table, seek out their voice, if you want to achieve great things.